In my Denver practice, I see many people in individual therapy who have ADHD and feel misunderstood by their partner. They know they've fallen short in real ways — forgotten things that mattered, spent impulsively, said yes to too much and delivered too little, lost track of time in ways that affected plans and trust. Yet it seems like no matter how much they try to change, every new difficulty shows their partner they haven't.
Some can take in feedback and their relationship starts to shift. Others perceive feedback as unfair or confirming something they already fear about themselves. They shut down, withdraw, or respond with anger or blame, with these reactions increasing the distance in the relationship.
People who feel chronically defensive or ashamed have less capacity to stay present in difficult conversations and collaborate on how to fix things. Instead of focusing only on what your partner thinks of you, therapy helps you develop a clearer and more stable sense of yourself.
If this sounds like your relationship, it's worth talking through.
I also work with partners of people with ADHD.